Remember When… May 29, 2010

Have you ever played the Remember When game? I have played that game countless times. I play it whenever there is a longing for simplicity and calmness. Playing the Remember When game is costly and can lead to damaging results.

As an adult, I find myself doing that a lot. Especially when my world seems overwhelming. Playing Remember When allows me to reconnect and re-imagine life when it was not so complicated by the What will happen next game. Couples that play the game often long for a time in their relationship when everything was new and emotions were high. In the beginning of any relationship there is a sense of euphoria where everything is great. Not only is everything pleasant, but the reality is that it is a facade. Little quirks that are cute in the beginning become annoying later on. The twitch that you thought was so cute now leads you to wondering what the heck was I thinking?

While it is fine and healthy for us to remember, I think that the problem becomes detrimental when we remain stuck in a time that is no more. I often get frustrated with people who want to relive the glory days of anything. Whether it is church, marriage, friendship, school, whatever! It is fine to remember but what are you doing to move forward? We are people who are constantly changing. Our thoughts, emotions, our growth as individuals should always be evolving.

This past week, I have attended memorial services and even heard about the news of Gary Coleman passing away. He played the role of Arnold on A Different Strokes, but once the show ended people referred to his famous catch phrase Whatcha Talkin’ Bout? This man who had once been the adorable kid with the chubby cheeks could not shake that image. Because people wanted him to remain in one state, it had a damaging impact on his career.

Our churches cannot stay the same. Our relationships cannot stay the same. The world around us is in constant motion. While it is ok to take to remember, we must be not be stuck to want things to go back to where they use to be. Nothing can ever stay the same.

Blessings!

Craziness beyond Race May 20, 2010

Since moving to Kansas I have had the joy of serving the people of God as a response to my call to vocational ministry. I have served in a campus ministry setting which was a lot of fun, but would have been so much better if I had been full-time to now serving a two point charge. Both have been wonderful places where creativity and imagination has flown freely. However, even in the midst of all that joy and happiness, the lessons that I take away is that crazy is inclusive.

I really don’t know what I expected to learn or gain from my experiences as a student pastor. I think like most students we go into an appointment thinking I will be different, they will change for me. When the reality is, members don’t and are often unwilling to change. The actual time spent in a part-time appointment is often less than 20 hours a week and time spent is often filled with administrative functions and less on mission and evangelism.

Serving in a cross cultural appointment has been interesting. Maybe, I am overtly optimistic in making this claim that people are people.  Hurt, pain, and brokenness goes beyond race and socioeconomic status or education level. Rich people are broken and poor people are broken. Brokenness even extends beyond denominations. Imagine that! Just as brokenness is inclusive so is the attitude of craziness.

I define craziness as the attitude that is resistent to change and manifests itself in illogical and irrational behaviors. Hence, crazy. I have spent many years as a lay person observing the operations of the local church. Now that I am clergy the observations have turned out to be true. My time initially was spent in African-American congregations, but serving an all Caucasian congregation has taught me that crazy is crazy.

Crazy manifests itself in the following ways. The first is the threat of change. When people are face with thinking about change it sparks panic and anxiety. Especially when power holders think that they will lose a position or even their mantle of power. Their resistance to change is evident in their attitude and even in their cognition. The lesson I carry away as I enter year four of ministry is that the craziness that pastors endure is not because of a mental defect as we would like to think, rather it’s a response to fear. Craziness is a reaction to fear.

Fear encourages the craziness to manifest itself in ministry settings or workplaces especially when the concept of cooperative ministry is not in place. The mine mentality creeps in and the unwillingness to share is alluring and flattering. When people have to be the primary source of information, they limit the productivity and growth that could occur. These reign holders or gatekeepers hinder creativity and imagination to flow. They feel that they are the only ones who are the boss and who have all the answers. They are often reluctant to share information for fear that someone else will ask them to relinquish the reigns. The need to control and maintain the status quo is definitely a manifestation of craziness.

Now to be fair, craziness can also manifest in clergy. I have seen people kill a church because they assume to be the expert. The crazy mentality of being the super computer places one’s ministry and the congregation at risk. People don’t need an expert, they need an ambassador of Christ who is willing to coach them and encourage them to let go of the crazy.

Crazy for clergy is thinking that you can save people. You are not the Messiah. Jesus has already saved us. All you need to do is introduce people to the one that can and has saved us. Clergy craziness is also thinking that you have all the answers. To think that you have all the answers is craziness!

For those in churches or other areas where you find yourselves being a reign holder, let go of the reigns.  Being older doesn’t make you the boss. Be willing to teach and share the information you have. When you die, who else will carry on the tradition? To not share your legacy is crazy! Everyone wants to leave their mark on an institution in hopes that they are making a difference. It’s crazy to think that no one will be able to get along or do anything with you. Now that is beyond crazy.

We who call ourselves Christians should realize that God does not want us to live our lives in the shroud of craziness. We are not called to live our lives as gatekeepers, but to live our lives as people who are willing to share the yoke. We don’t have to carry the ministry alone. Did you know that without Jesus, our lives would be nothing. Without Jesus, we would not be who we proclaim to be. To think otherwise is… well, crazy.

Blessings!

Prelude to Something Wonderful May 17, 2010

The Biblical text comes from Acts 1:3-11.

³After his suffering he presented himself alive to them by many convincing proofs, appearing to them over the course of forty days and speaking about the kingdom of God. ⁴While staying with them, he ordered them not to leave Jerusalem, but to wait there for the promise of the Father. ‘This’, he said, ‘is what you have heard from me;⁵for John baptized with water, but you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.’ 6 So when they had come together, they asked him, ‘Lord, is this the time when you will restore the kingdom to Israel?’ ⁷He replied, ‘It is not for you to know the times or periods that the Father has set by his own authority. ⁸But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.’ ⁹When he had said this, as they were watching, he was lifted up, and a cloud took him out of their sight.¹⁰While he was going and they were gazing up towards heaven, suddenly two men in white robes stood by them. ¹¹They said, ‘Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking up towards heaven? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in the same way as you saw him go into heaven.’ (New Revised Standard Version)

When I was learning how to play the piano, my aunt thought it would be a good idea for me to play the organ during our weekly worship service. Each week we would get together to practice the songs that we would play during worship. Each week she would emphasize the importance of the prelude. For her and other musicians that I accompanied in our church, the prelude was the beginning of worship. The musical prelude can set the tone for the worship. Just as paint is important to a painter. Without the canvas, poster board, wall or whatever, the painting is useless. For us, the musical prelude grabs our attention in a way that lets us know it’s time for worship. The prelude sets the tone for our worship by arousing our senses and inviting our minds and attitudes to alter as we come before the altar.

What exactly is a prelude? A Prelude is defined as: 1. a preliminary to an action, event, condition, or work of broader scope and higher importance. 2. any action, event, comment, etc. that precedes something else. 3.  Music. a. a relatively short, independent instrumental composition, free in form and resembling an improvisation. b. a piece that precedes a more important movement. c. the overture to an opera. d. an independent piece, of moderate length, sometimes used as an introduction to a fugue. e. music opening a church service; an introductory voluntary.

Many of us are more familiar with latter definition especially as it relates to music. Very seldom do we consider the primary definitions. Having the prelude serves as a reminder of what is to come or to be expected.

As Christians who share in the great narrative, we have heard and witnessed the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Through the resurrection of Jesus and the 40 days afterward, we have witnessed to a great degree a prelude of some sorts. The Bible itself is full of preludes, the Old Testament proclamations of the prophets are a prelude of what is to come in the text of the New Testament. In the NT we find the news that Mary and Joseph receive is nothing more than a prelude leading up to the birth of Jesus. The baptism of Jesus by John the Baptist is a prelude to the ministry that Jesus would do here on Earth. The temptation of Jesus by Satan while he was in the desert serves as a prelude for what was to come on the Cross. The suffering and death that Jesus endured is a prelude to the resurrection. All of these events are movements that are a part of one great orchestrated song in which we have witnessed in our profession of faith interchangeably throughout our lives.

Here we witness the prelude of the ascension which prepares us for the event of Pentecost. The movement experienced in the ascension serves as a short but meaningful introduction to the main event … Pentecost! As Christ ascends into the clouds, we see that there are those who witnessed Jesus perform many miracles. There were those gathered there looking in awe and wonder. Never in their time with Jesus had they seen anything like this. They were completely amazed.

Why is the ascension so important?

The ascension serves as a closing point to the present ministry of Christ. In the ascension we experience the eschaton. In the eschaton, we have experienced Christ, but we look forward to witnessing the return of Christ. The ascension serves as a proclamation of our faith. It gives us hope and assures us of the promise that Christ will come again.

What is going on in the text?

1) As Christ is preparing to leave, the disciples and those gathered question what does his ascension mean? Now that Christ is ascending into heaven, will he restore the kingdom of Israel? Will they no longer be under the rule of the Roman government? Will they finally be able to have their kingdom restored to them just like in the time of David? Instead, Christ tells them to not worry about those things. Because the greatest kingdom, the kingdom of God had already been revealed to them which was indeed the greatest kingdom of all. Now while we could consider that they were concerned with the Earthly kingdom, could it be possible that they were considering the witness of Israel to experience the Reign of God. In their time with Jesus, they knew him to be the Son of God and the King of Kings. His kingdom was one that was from everlasting to everlasting. Because they were chosen by God surely they wanted all of Israel to be saved and restored. In this portion of the text, while they may have been concerned with those matters, the ascension reminds us that we have experienced the Reign of God and that in Christ we expect for it to be fulfilled in his return.

2) Jesus is preparing to leave and gives those that are gathered there words of encouragement and as he departs, promises to send a gift. The gift of the Holy Spirit. How cool is it to receive a gift from someone who has visited you. It’s one thing to get a thank you note, but what if you unexpectantly received a gift certificate to your favorite restaurant? How awesome would that be? Many had been baptized with water by John, but now they would be baptized through the fire of the Holy Spirit. The gift of the Holy Spirit would serve as a reminder of God’s promise given to them long ago to Abraham which was actualized in Jesus Christ and would be fulfilled in the revelation of the Holy Spirit. The promise of the Holy Spirit serves as a proclamation of God’s full revelation. The ascension is the prelude to the promise of the Holy Spirit, but also serves as a prelude to experience the fullness of God.

3) In his ascent into heaven the angels ask “Why are still here?” Those that are gathered there have experienced the Reign of God on earth. It is now time for them to share the good news of Jesus, but to also help others come into the realization of experiencing the Reign of God for themselves. The angels then lead them into the prelude of what is to come. That Jesus will return!

The ascension serves as a final reminder that we are called to not live our lives as those wondering and waiting without action. We are reminded that as we await the return of Christ, we must work and serve others so that they may experience the Reign of God. We are called to live our lives not just as bystanders but as witnesses to the revelation of God. I know that this may seem like a redundant theme, but here goes. We are called to be witnesses of how God works in our lives. If we believe in the virgin birth. If we believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus, why do we sit on what we know? We believe in the miracles that occurred as an act of faith, so why should we not believe those things to be true today? What good is our faith if we are not willing to share our experiences? Many of us have witnessed love ones have diagnoses of cancer, but they were healed. Others have broken and felt hopeless and isolated, yet the hand of God comforted us in our time of need.

The ascension for us today speaks a revelation of the promise that Jesus will fulfill. Our finite lives are nothing more than preludes and short movements that connect us all into the body of Christ. When our movements and stories come together, it is a proclamation that Christ died to atone us from our sin,Christ triumphantly defeated the sting of death, Christ arose from his death and gives us eternal life. In his ascension, we are reminded that he was here for a prelude, a moment, to prepare us for the great movement that is to come which is his glorious return. We await anxiously the day when Jesus returns. However, we must not get caught up looking in the clouds.  The return of Christ is unknown. We must not sit on our bottoms, but move with vigor and work until the day comes when he will return. We must go and be witnesses to all people so that they may know that Jesus lives, but most of all, Jesus will come again.

Changes May 14, 2010

I find myself going through so many changes. Particularly as it relates to my appearance. Like most women, I have had crazy hairstyles and not to mention some questionable experiments with clothing. From knickerbockers, balloon pants, Guess jeans, jumpers, I’ve worn it all. Sometimes being conscious about what I wear and other times not being concerned with it at all.  I can vividly remember my first “haircut.” For me it was the first time I got to have my hair cut by a professional other than my mom trimming my ends. I have had disastrous and I do mean disastrous hairstyles. We won’t even begin to mention the choices of lipstick that I made. A rite of passage for me was being able to wear makeup in the 7th grade. My first lipstick was Chocolate Raspberry by Fashion Fair. Wearing Fashion Fair was a rite that I was so anxious and ready to undertake!

The craziness of these changes has been witnessed by those around me. My family has watched me go through short, braided, curly, permed, flat ironed, colored, hair styles. The hairstyles were often done during major milestones or moments of transition in my life. One particular hairstyle change came right before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I had literally cut all of my hair off where it was sculpted with clippers. Now that is extreme! These changes were often an outward manifestation of some of the things I may have been internalizing. My short hair was a symbol of cutting off the familiar and shattering the standard of long hair being beautiful. I remember appearing in church that following Sunday and receiving staunch criticism by the older women. One woman even went as far as to say that I needed to get my money back. You name it, I’ve had it! Except texturizers and jheri curls.

Right now in the adventure of my appearance, I am totally natural and have even altered my hair color. Why? Because I just felt I needed a change! I love myself and I love doing things to make me feel good. With the changes that I have undergone, does that make me vain? Does it mean that I do not appreciate the way that God made me? To answer the first, I don’t think it makes me vain. I find that when I take care of myself whether it’s with waxing, tweezing, or whatever, it just makes me feel better.  I know that I am made in the image of God and no, God doesn’t care how I look. But God is concerned with whether or not my appearance interferes with my worship of God. When I allow myself to get to the point where I become obsessed with my looks, then it is a problem.

While I love makeup and all types of accessories, I don’t love them more than I love God. While I have many changes that are taking place on the outside, nothing compares to the changes taking place within me. If I had kept my hairstyle from 7th grade, people would wonder why I had not changed or kept up with the times! Our inward growth should not be the same that it was from the time we made a conscious decision from when we accepted Christ. Our change from within should be a continuation of the Master Stylist who helps us grow towards sanctification and perfection in Christ. When was the last time you looked into your mirror and looked at who you are. What are some things that need tweezing? What areas in your life need to be changed? Allow the newness of the change within to take place in your life.

Blessings!

Be a Naomi May 11, 2010

The love that Naomi shows toward Ruth and in return Ruth to Naomi has often perplexed me. Before becoming a pastor, I had often heard ministers preach this passage about the love that mother and daughter in-laws should have toward one another. However, I think it goes beyond that.

The passage of Ruth 1:1-18 illustrates a time in the lives of both women who found themselves having to deal with life changing decisions. Naomi loses her husband to death. Her sons which are married also die leaving behind two young widows and no children. The issue of protection, financial security, and status have all vanished. Their identity has been transformed and in their attempt to reclaim a new life, the matriarch leaves her home in Moab to return to her family and friends in Bethlehem.

While they are at the crossroads, literally, of whether to say goodbye or to go on with their mother in law, one daughter in law Orpah decides to return home to the familiarity of her life while the other Ruth, decides to cling to her beloved mother in law.

Now, we don’t know what Ruth’s home environment was like. We are met with the speculation that there was something about Naomi that Ruth admired. We are not sure whether or not the Moabite wives of Ruth’s son influenced them to worship their gods and not The God of Israel. What is always interesting about this narrative is that we are given a message of love. Not trying to oversimplify the sacrafice that Ruth makes, but it was out of love in which she was willing to follow this woman who was of no blood relation to her and had no obligation to her at all. Now, we also cannot assume that Orpah didn’t love Naomi. I’m sure she did. But leaving her homeland, customs, and traditions to embrace a totally different lifestyle is more than anyone could handle. The idea of Judah being a melting pot or any country in that day was not going to happen.

So, what happens. From the narrative of Ruth, we see that her relationship with Naomi becomes like that of a mother-daughter relationship. In Naomi, Ruth receives life lessons not just on how to gain a suitor, but on how to be a good daughter and how to love God. Because of her love for Naomi, she in turn was able to learn about God. Because of her willingness to please Naomi, she took on the willingness to learn about the God who is greater than the gods she worshiped.

We do not know of the private conversations that Ruth and Naomi share with each other. But I can imagine that in their private time, there was sharing of their lose, but also joy in their new life together. We later see that Naomi and Ruth have a new found identity. No longer are they widows, but they have a kinsman redeemer who delivers them from poverty and gives establishes them into the family and community.

What do we learn? In our lives, there are times where we are mothered by women like Naomi. These women take the time to give us love, words of encouragement, and guidance. Being a Naomi requires the willingness to place yourself in a situation where you not only mentor but you allow yourself to become vulnerable in your impartation of the knowledge you share. Being a Naomi, may cause us to encounter others like Ruth and others like Orpah. While they may decide to stay with us through our own personal growth, they may also decide to go their own way to find a path that is for them. Guess what? That’s ok, too.

When I think of this passage, I’m reminded of my mom. There were many times in her life where she poured herself into the lives of young women. She gave them guidance and even words of encouragement. My mom is a natural cheerleader. Literally. There were girls who had absentee dads or problems with their moms. But my mom helped them to overcome their mommy or daddy issues through the Word of God and the power of the Holy Spirit.

When I think of this passage, I’m reminded of the many women who became like Naomi to me. They were Sunday school teachers, History and English teachers, the moms of my friends, friends of my mom, professors, clergy mentors, and a host of other women who took time to invest into my future. Some of these women called things out in my life that I was unwilling to admit. Some of Naomis have even been my closest friends who walked with me and guided me into places I was afraid to enter.

What has been formative for me is that there are times where in our lives we interchange our positions and relationships from Naomi and Ruth. Sometimes we are like Ruth, needed the guidance and wisdom of someone who has the tools to help us become healed in our brokenness. And then there are times where we are Naomi. We begin to help others cope with their losses and help them find the strength to move on. Either way, their is unity and an equal exchange of love that helps capture the essence of this relationship.

Take time to thank the women who have been like Naomi in your life. These women mothered you and nurtured you to get you where you need to be.

Blessings!

The Taste of Bitterness April 29, 2010

I remember as a child having to taste different things in order to understand the sense of taste.  All of us in Ms. Kuntz’s first grade class took a taste of items that were bitter, sweet, sour, and salty. Items such as lemons, unsweetened chocolate, sugar, and pretzels were passed around for us to record whether or not we found the taste to be bitter, sweet, sour, or salty.

What did I learn on that day? I learned that there are times where you can mix different items in order to manipulate different tastes. A lemon alone is tart and sour, but by adding sugar it is very delightful. Chocolate alone is ghastly, but when added with sugar, milk, and extract it too, becomes delightful. What then is the application in our lives?

There are times where we have enjoyed the taste of the sweet, but rarely do we enjoy the taste of the bitter. There are things in our lives that may have caused us to wonder if we will ever enjoy the sweetness that comes with joy. I imagine joy to be like tasting apple butter on a warm piece of toast. Or maybe joy and contentment tastes like your favorite icecream or frozen treat. Either way, it is savory and sweet. Much more palatable than the bitter.

When we ingest bitter, our appetitie and zeal for joy seems fleeting. Maybe we have forgotten what it was like to taste the sweetness. There are things that have left me bitter in my young 30 something years. My parent’s divorce made me bitter to relationships and caused me to not enjoy the newness of a relationship, but look toward its ending. Basically, most relationships were over before they began because I was bitter. Other bitter moments in my life have occured with the heartbreak of friendships that ended. Why should I open myself to someone who will betray me with intimate secrets that I entrusted them with? Bitter! Marriage…. well, there are moments of bitterness there as well. The most surprising point of bitterness has occurred in my ministry. Yes, even my journey in ministry has been marked with moments of bitterness. From theological differences to having to “justify” why I do what I do and the list goes on.

To combat the bitterness I have faced and even some of the bitterness that I may be tasting now, I try my best to counter it with the sweet. The sweetness comes from surrounding myself of course in the Word of God. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that the Word of God reflects God’s grace in my life as evident through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Combating the bitterness also means surrounding myself with people that love me and accept me. There are times when I feel the presence of God through their presence, prayers, and words of encouragement. However, just as they may speak or write notes that encourage me, I am also filled by their moments of silence. It is in that silence that we can feel the presence of Christ and feel the love that flows fully and freely. My friends are beacons of light and their presence fills me with the sweetness of a ripe peach in the summer.

I am thankful to have these things that are present in my life. I am learning day by day to take time to taste the sweetness even when my plate may be full of bitterness.

Blessings!

Spring Cleaning April 24, 2010

Each year brings the opportunity to renew and redo. Spring inspires us to go out into our yards to plant and witness the growth of what lied dormant during winter. One thing I dread is spring cleaning. To be honest, I dread just day-to-day chores However, just as our homes and spaces need to be cleaned up and renewed so do our lives.

Spring cleaning of our lives involves discarding the baggage that hinders us from moving forward. This year as a part of my spring cleaning, I’m trying (added emphasis on trying) to work on my procrastination.  My procrastination is my biggest obstacle. Because I don’t always have a detailed plan, I fail to make the time needed to complete the task. Procrastination is overwhelming. Being in seminary, you would think I have learned to not wait until the last-minute to work on assignments. There is no excuse for not getting things done. I just need to buck up and do it.

Another part of my spring cleaning is my lifestyle. I have not made healthy choices when it comes to my diet. As a result, I have gained a considerable amount of weight. This added weight is unhealthy and is not conducive of living a life where I serve God and serve others to the best of my God given potential.

My procrastination and my weight gain are examples of my inability to deal with issues in my life. My life is cluttered with stress and just unnecessary stuff that I need to address. The clutter in my life will be tackled. From this moment on, I will be clutter free in my home and in my life!

Pick up the pieces April 20, 2010

What do you do when your world seems to be spinning out of control. There are times when my world seems like it is falling apart. During those times I have to ask myself why? When I find myself spiraling out of control, I realize that a lot of times it’s something that I am doing or maybe not doing. Here is a very rough list of how and why my world gets turned upside down.

10) Stacking: When I stack, I realize that I get frazzled and stressed out. Stacking is my term for saying putting on more than what I can handle. My high school chemistry teacher would always have this quirky (or what I thought to be quirky) quotes. She would constantly say that we must be “TOT- Time on Task” and my favorite one was “Procrastination is deleterious to your health. ” When I am not time on task or when I procrastinate, my stress level goes through the roof and I do not do a good job on my papers or sermons. Most of all my relationships also become strained because I have not taken the time needed to make sure that my time is divided equally with all of my tasks.

9) Sleep deprivation- Remember when your mom gave you a bedtime and how much you resisted it? Healthy sleep promotes healthy growth and brain development. If you’re anything like me, I long for sleep whether its a power nap or 7-8 hours of sleep. Being in seminary has not always been the ideal place to practice good sleeping habits. However when you don’t stack, you’re able to get a good night’s sleep cycle.  Being deprived of sleep does not allow you to function at your peak. When you deprive yourself of sleep it is like being under the influence of a controlled substance. Your cognitive abilities are limited as well as muscle reflexes as well. So a word from the foolish sage, get some sleep.

8) You are what you eat: So this next one is a cliche that we are very familiar with. My world becomes very strained when I do not get the right types of food. Being in seminary I sit on my bottom at least 3 hrs at a time. When I do grab something to eat it is not healthy. Eating burgers and fries because it’s cheap, fast, and convenient is not convenient for my body. Not to mention the amount of carbonated beverages and the sugar found in them. Food has also been a source of comfort when I have gotten bad marks on assignments, but it has also been a source of celebration. Gathered around the table of pizza and beverages, my classmates and I would often celebrate or lament about teachers, coursework, ministry and just life. But the abuse of food comes when I fail to create space for myself that allows me to fuel my body with appropriate portions and the healthy stuff I need to sustain me.

7) You are what you drink: Eating and drinking go hand in hand. As a pastor, I have to be concerned with my body and how I take care of myself. But there are also times when I do not drink enough water. My choice of poison is Red Bull and Mountain Dew. There are times where I would drink two Mountain Dew sodas within a 3 hr time frame. One before class and one during break. Not only is that toxic, but it was just unhealthy. All the sugar and all the caffeine took a toll on my body. Lesson learned, get the water and drink plenty of it! Try to avoid alcoholic beverages unless taken in moderation. Because they dehydrate you and limits the rest you get and can also increase your stress. Alcohol taken to extremes is a depressant. It is not  a happy drink! Sure it comes with happy hour, but are you really happy? If you drink try a glass of red wine or a dark beer. Notice, one glass!

6) What goes in, must come out: OK, so I know that this part of picking up the pieces is not what you expect. My first year in seminary, I had a friend that recorded the frequency of when he would poop. Hey, there is a book that has that title in it and there are tons of commercials that stress the importance of it. Why is it important? Being constipated is often a sign of stress and also a sign of dehydration. The more water you intake along with vegetables and fibers allows your body to expel the waste that hinders you from being productive. With having it on your mind, you pay less attention to your tasks. I know… I didn’t want to go there either but everybody poops!

5) Time with family: There are times when I don’t spend enough time with my family. Now, I must admit this. There are times where time with my family can be very stressful, but there are also times where it can be very nurturing. When I don’t have that time to hear about the drama at the grade school and the next Transformer episode, I miss out on who my children are developing into. However, when I don’t spend the time that I need to with them I miss out on being able for them to learn about me not just as being their mom but eventually their mom who is ___________. Building memories that are positive and nurturing will overshadow the many disappointments that they may face as they grow older.

4) Time with the spouse: My husband and I have been married for 11 yrs and 9 mos. During our marriage there have been times where we have spent many nights apart because of seminary. Him being in seminary and now me being in seminary. At one point, we had weekly dates that stemmed from going out to a park or catching a movie. However, with the chaos of school, church, kids, and organization obligations, we found ourselves lacking the time we needed for each other. It’s no surprise that we stopped romancing each other and then stopped liking each other. Even through all the adversity we went through, we are managing to create special moments with each other. Because we give so much to our kids on the weekend, we take “breaks” from the kids where we tell them our time and space together is important. Do they like hearing that especially when they have been placed on a pedistal? NO!!! The deterant to get your kids to go away is to kiss in front of them. After taking that cue they will scatter!

4) Time with friends: Relationships with your children and spouse are important. In my marriage, I realize that I don’t like my husbands friends and he doesn’t like mine. But you know what, that’s ok! It took a lot of maturing to realize that his likes and interests were not fully compatible with mine. Before we were married, we each had our own likes and interests that were opposite or complemented each other. Even though our lives are joined as one, we are still individuals with our own interests. I have learned that my time with my friends allows me to reconnect with me. Having friends gives you the opportunity to celebrate your quirkiness that is uniquely you!

3) Time with parents and extended family: There are times where we get caught up in our immediate family (spouse and kids).  Now I realize that there are times where our extended families do not always understand or even adhere to boundaries. Yet, through our extended families we celebrate the diversity and are able to reconnect with the roots of our family tree. When I don’t do a good job of keeping in touch with my family, I find myself feeling homesick. I long for the warmth of my extended family through their smiles and hugs. Maybe you don’t have that support system, but there is always something that reminds you of home. In all of us there is a longing to reconnect to something that reminds us of who we are so that we can understand where we are going.

2) Time for you: When I fail to do something that is all about me, I am a mess. You have to love yourself and be willing to spend time with yourself. That time should often be alone. For some people it is hard to be alone with themselves because they don’t fully love themselves. Overall, when you love yourself and take time to care for yourself you stay in tune with who are.

1) Time with God: When I fail to spend time with God, my world becomes totally chaotic. When I spend time with God my Parent, I find that my world is at peace. When the ends of my rope begins to unravel, I find myself longing for the comfort that can only come from spending time by reading scripture. When I do not take the time to spend with God, I feel lost and confused. Spending time with God allows me to find out where I need to be in my journey.

I admit that I struggle with trying to accomplish all of this things on my list. But I do acknowledge the fact that I am growing in God’s grace. My life is complicated not because of the actions of no one but me. I am not talking about being in reaction to something that someone does to you, but not being able to take the initiative of being intentional about taking care of ourselves. Lack of self care allows us to lower our guards and allow for things to occur. My brokenness comes from the lack of time that I spend with God and the lack of time that I have put into all of my relationships. My laziness hinders me from accomplishing my goals and hinders me from putting my best foot forward in all of my relationships. I can only blame myself for my mistakes and shortcomings. But I know that even when I fail to do, God is still doing! I thank God for all that is taking place in my life.  I hope that in picking up the pieces of your life, you realize that it is God who heals and mends the brokenness that we create. God is bigger than the mess we create and God is willing to shape and mold us when we are willing to yield.

Blessings!

One Size does not fit all! April 15, 2010

Years ago, One Size fit all clothing emerged as a new fashion trend primarily for women so that they would not be self-conscious about their actual clothing size. Therefore the One Size shirt and dress emerged. However, reality struck designers in noting that One Size clothing needed to add a disclaimer by stating that One Size fits most.

Years before entering the candidacy process to become an ordained elder in the United Methodist church, I had heard the call of vocational ministry that was on my life because I was not sure how my call and what my ministry would look like in the Christian Methodist Episcopal church that I grew up in. For me, there were not very many women nor people under 35 who were answering the call. The women I did know were often times divorced and had to work full-time. While I had many male mentors, they were just that male. They were very encouraging but how could I have a family, career, and pastor a church. No size did not fit.

Mixed into what I could model or what I would fit into was also the countering concern of what it meant to be a woman pastor. As mentioned before many women in the denomination I grew up in were single. I did not desire the single life. I wanted to be married. Secondly, they were placed in isolated places in communities that made rural towns look like urban dwelling places. Thirdly, they were bi-vocational and had full-time jobs and often lacked college education.

While I loved the church that had nurtured me and encouraged me to follow my heart and listen to the voice of Christ leading me to follow him, I did not. Not because I was turned away, but because the one size model did not fit.

Meeting my husband and his seminary colleagues allowed me to see women, young women, in ministry. Some were single and some were married with children. All answering their call and following Christ wherever. Through my journey now into seminary, I find myself thriving and enjoying each moment of my time in seminary. However, as I begin to place an ending on this portion of my journey, I am unsure of how I will fit in the one size model that most ordained clergy are placed in.

Since arriving in seminary, I have heard many friends grumble about the ordination process. While there are strengths and weaknesses of the candidacy process, I struggle with those who are trying to find places that fit their gifts and graces and may not be willing to enter parish ministry. While the ordination track for deacon is not suitable for them either. What do you do when you have invested and sacrificed so much of your time, energy, family, into a process that does not fully acknowledge your gifts? Is this practice of one size fit all a practice that will sustain mainline denominations? No.

I am not an ordained clergyperson, but I see the struggle that conferences and even ministry candidates go through before coming before their board of ordained ministry. Each year people are turned away and often times they leave the UMC only to end up in other denominations or independent churches that allow them to fulfill the call that has been placed on their lives.

Even now, I struggle with whether or not my call story will be listened to fully. I do not see myself falling into the cookie cutter model that has been cast upon me based on gender and even race. While I wonder about those things, I push those seeds out of my mind and realize that my call is greater than ________. While a conference may struggle with where to place me, I believe that I have matured to understand and fully believe that where Christ leads, I will follow. I made the choice to follow Jesus. In making that choice I am assured that he will provide and continue to allow barriers and molds to be broken. I am not shaped in anyone’s image. When I begin to focus on the different models and paths, I realize that God has a path and a model that has been created for me.

In approaching the end of year three in seminary and as I prepare to move back to my home conference, I pray that I will continue to be obedient and not fall into the trap of one size. Because it just doesn’t fit.

Blessings!

Mental Health Day April 12, 2010

Growing up as the kid of a school teacher, I always looked forward to that one time of year when my mom would take her personal day. A personal day was better than a sick day because it was a day when you didn’t have to come up a with a bogus excuse for coming in. It was your free day provided by the distract to regroup and come back refreshed. While I’m not quite sure that was the full intent, it does sound good.

I don’t know how the tradition began but each year on my mom’s personal day she would take me to Memphis. I got a day that I could skip school with my mom and do whatever I wanted. I remember one year we went to Memphis and went shopping and talked. While I didn’t realize it, I needed that day. I needed that time to regroup with my mom and to just reconnect with her without having to go to some practice or to do anything!

Now that I am older I value my personal day by calling it a Mental Health Day. For so long, we have often criticized those with mental health issues such as depression or even bipolar. But what I have come to discover is that even the sanest person needs a day that will allow them regroup and become transformed.

While I have not carried out the tradition of taking a personal day with my daughter, I do make sure that I do my best to take time for myself. This school year has been very challenging with a new appointment, new friends, old friends leaving, and just stuff! Every now and then I allow myself to take a day off from class and do nothing but cleanse my mind and regroup myself so that I can be a better student. There are times where I need time away from my spouse and kids. It doesn’t make me a bad person to say “I NEED A MENTAL HEALTH DAY!”

Just think of how so many people would not have made horrible decisions had they allowed themselves to take a mental health day. Are there decisions that you have made without being fully rational on account that you should have had a mental health day?

Never be afraid to take time out for you. There is nothing wrong with pampering yourself and there is definitely nothing wrong with taking time to regain your sanity. If you haven’t done so today, make tomorrow your mental health day!

Blessings!